The struggles of learning to love yourself

What a concept, eh? To love yourself and have ultimate body confidence. It's a dream that so many people want for themselves, myself included.

I've struggled with liking anything about my body since I was a teenager. I've always had plenty of meat on my bones, which is in no way a bad thing, but it's always made me so self conscious. My stomach is my absolute least favourite part about me and always has been. It's not flat or smooth or a home for rock hard abs. It's soft and squidgy and a little on the wobbly side, which is fine, but in a world full of instgram models and photoshopped magazine covers, sometimes it's hard to like what you see in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, there are things I like about myself a lot and I try to focus on those things, but everyone has bad days.

Much like most women, I've put myself on diet after diet, and tried to train myself to eat the right foods and go to the gym as often as I can. Honestly, I've grown to actually enjoy exercise - which is something I never thought I'd say - so it's less of me forcing myself to go and more of me trying to avoid being lazy. I used to have hopes of beinga size 8 and as slim as I am short, but I'm slowly beginning to come to the realisation that being skinny isn't going to make me the happiest person in the world. 

Shocking fact; it's not a crime to have a tummy. I'm still coming to terms with this. Shocking fact number two; a person's size doesn't define them in any way at all. I can comprehend this perfectly when it comes to other people, but I sturuggle when it comes to myself. I suppose it doesn't help to hear and see other people labelling others as 'fat' and 'lazy' and 'chubby' in incredibly negative ways, and you look at the person they're attacking and think "I look like her... does that mean they'd label me in the same way?" Bodyshaming isn't cool or cute, and makes the struggle of loving yourself through and through even greater.

During my most recent holiday I shied away from wearing a bikini until the last couple of days. Why? I don't really know. My body is nothing to be ashamed of, but it takes a lot of hard work to shake off that mentality and I'm still learning how to do it.

Thankfully, there is a glimmer of beautiful hope in the form of Body Positive bloggers, vloggers, models, actors and social media influencers. My personal favourites include Megan Jayne Crabbe (aka bodyposipanda), Tess Holliday, Iskra Lawrence, Hannah Witton, Sabina Karlsson, Carrie Hope Fletcher, Cassie Ho, Laverne Cox and Winnie Harlow, just to name a few. They all promote so much body, mental health and sexual positivity. I know for a fact there have been several times I've been scrolling through instagram and feeling a little bit crappy, and seeing a badass, honest or positive post from one of them has made me smile. 

Loving myself will be an ongoing struggle, but I know for a fact that I'm worth loving so why not be the first to do it? c:

~ C xxx